What you see on T.V. isn’t always real

By Jackie Perrin

On the J. Perrin scale of appeal, holiday shopping excursions fall somewhere midway between the annual OB/GYN stirrup straddle and a really nasty stomach bug. I’ve never been one for crowds, much less for crowded shopping malls. And another thing: I really hate spending money, especially on junk that doesn’t last. Case in point: the Slushee Maker that M just ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY REALLY had to have last year.

Me: M, you can only ask Santa for 5 things. How about a nice set of books that will last all year long?

M: But Mom, I want the super duper slushee maker! On the commercial, it makes ten fabulous flavors of delicious desserts.

Me: What do we know about things we see on t.v.?

M: (Sighs deeply.) They’re not always true. But—all my friends will have a super duper slushee maker. I’ll be the only kid without a super duper slushee maker. I ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY REALLY WANT IT EVEN IF IT’S THE ONLY THING SANTA BRINGS!

Bad Mom vetoes the slushee maker. Meanwhile, Good Dad sabotages the united front. This man is a sucker for a cute kid. Despite the fact that super duper slushee maker is currently one of the “top 10 hottest toys of the season” and is sold out on shelves throughout the greater stratosphere, GD is not to be dismayed. After scouring three malls and two toy warehouses, GD hits pay dirt on eBay. Cost: $30 for super duper slushee maker, $25 for shipping and handling. (Did I mention I despise spending money on things that don’t last?)

Two days before Christmas, the marvelous machine arrives. 10 pm Christmas Eve: Good Dad finishes off Santa’s cookies and excitedly wraps the Jolly Elf’s present to his favorite little girl.

7 am Christmas morning: M, high as a kite on her LifeSaver storybook, is a flurry of wrapping paper and childlike delight. She is THRILLED with super duper slushee maker. Good Dad helps her extract it from the package, and after something like three hours of assembly and two pounds of rock salt (during which time I manage to shower, cook brunch, and slug an exorbitant amount of caffeine in preparation for Christmas with the Family) the freeze factory is ready to go.

But--and you moms out there will have already guessed this--It doesn’t freeze. My husband, mind you, is a very determined man. He does not give up easily. So it is only after trying about five hundred possible combinations of rock salt, ice, and sugar solution that he admits defeat. The slushee maker is a dud. It’s not super after all.

Good Dad: I’m really sorry, honey. You must be disappointed that it doesn’t work.

M: That’s okay, dad—I don’t really feel like a slushee anyway because I ate all those LifeSavers. But I can’t believe Santa wasted money on that piece of junk. I thought he knew everything. You know, what you see on t.v. isn’t always real.

Me: Ha!

This year, I’m shopping online. Following is a compilation of quality gift ideas from our relatives as well of some of my smartest mom-friends. Best of all, you’ll never need to hit a mall.

Long before I began e-lancing, my sister was smoking up the Internet. A respectable busy lawyer-type, Auntie L is the original dot.com mom and a champion shopper. Some of M’s best (read long-lasting) Christmas gifts from the most generous of givers have come from RedEnvelope.com. Our favorites: durable blocks and wooden game sets.

Uncle J, another sucker for a cute kid, makes a habit of spoiling us rotten and often. Last year, the biggest (and most talked about) present under the tree was the Band in a Box from Restoration Hardware. Take a drive down memory lane with classic childhood games like Chinese checkers, marbles, foosball and croquet.

Is your child psyched about the solar system? Wacky about weather? Nuts about nature? My girlfriend S has a treat for you! Steve Spangler Science is the superlative source of all things experimental. From the serious (Electronic Snap Circuit Deluxe) to the silly (Baby Diaper Secret Science fair kit), these science kits nurture curiosity. When it comes to young minds, we can’t think of a better investment.

Another gem from S (who happens to have a VERY curious third grader as well as a kindergartener) is MindwareOnline. Dubbed “brainy toys for kids of all ages,” the products here are thoughtfully chosen to provide hands-on learning experiences. In “The Great Art Scandal,” kids learn details about 32 of the world’s greatest artists while solving a mystery. Who knew art history 101 could be so much fun?

Friend D (who publishes a great web site for parents) has recently become enamored of the family card game Bohnanza. Bohnanza won GAMES Magazine's award for Best Family Card Game of 1999. One "grows" and trades in bean fields that have different values. (That's right, bean fields -- Bohn is apparently "bean" in German.) D loves this game because it teaches implicitly all about what capitalism is meant to be; it shows how people in the market create value through cooperation and trade for mutual benefit. Of course, kids don't realize that this is what it's about. Bohnanza is billed at being for ages 12 and up, but D played it with a 9-year-old who had no trouble--she can't wait until her preschoolers get older so they can play too. The best price we found on the Internet is $12.95, at FunAgain Games, which is pretty nifty web site unto itself.

For a great list of places to shop online for quality (read: non-junky) toys, please click for KidsOutAndAbout.com's list of catalogs compiled from parent recommendations.

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©Jackie Perrin, 2004
All rights reserved.